Intentional Boredom and Self Rediscovery
A while back I started the slow attempt to mitigate my digital footprint (not remove it entirely, obviously, but wind back down to a more reasonable level) and eliminate the majority of social media from my life. I gave myself grace in this endeavor, knowing I would slip back here and there, and knowing I would have to peruse the bowels of reddit to find good information on an assortment of things due to the ever-increasing demise of Google.
Speaking of, along the way I managed to remove Microsoft, Amazon, Apple, and Google from my life (minus Youtube/Apple TV on the smart tv. I had removed everything meta/facebook related long ago). I run everything on Linux now, mostly Ubuntu and Bazzite. They've really come a long way since I last messed around with Linux all those years ago. And while I do still have an Android phone, and while it unfortunately doesn't support Graphene, I have avoided logging into google or utilizing the play store on it, have replaced all the default google apps with alternatives, and uninstalled all non-vital varieties of software and tracking from the guts of it that I could dig out.
Needless to say, this push has limited me somewhat on what I can access, when, and where. There's alternatives for most things - I use Proton instead of Gmail, duckduckgo instead of Google, Firefox and Waterfox instead of Chrome or Edge, and on and on. It's not perfect and it definitely takes adjustment, but once I managed to pare everything down it was actually very freeing.
Thing is, that freedom comes with a hefty dose of boredom. Gone are the days where I idly flip through shorts on Youtube (never was a TikTok guy), or endlessly scroll reddit. The old habit of flipping out my phone and opening an app is still there, but now the apps are not. And the apps that are present offer little of interest or newness to see. As such opening the phone, looking at the empty pages, and closing the phone again has become the new habit. An empty time that feels in desperate need of filling. In a word, boredom.
But I think we give boredom a bad name, because from boredom creativity is born. In an attempt to fill that empty time I have found myself re-engaging with, well, myself. Old interests have come to the fore, new hobbies start to show themselves, my attention span has started to become re-invigorated, and so on. It all felt like I never had enough time before, and it is only just now that I'm starting to realize I had more time than I believed. Sure, it's not a ton of time, and the biggest chunk is still eaten up by work and other necessities, but the five minutes here and ten minutes there start to add up.
Here I'm preparing to DM my first ever TTRPG session for ten minutes. There I'm reading a chapter of Count Zero by William Gibson for five.
Here I'm looking up bass scales so I can better practice the instrument I've had since high school but only recently picked up for fifteen minutes. There I'm writing a blog post for thirty.
I've started to swiss cheese method my life - that is to say I poke holes in things as I go instead of only ever focusing on the whole. I used to struggle mightily with disregarding any task if I feel I didn't have enough time to start and complete said task within one sitting. By contrast, I'm writing this portion of this post at work during some downtime. Will I finish it at work? I dunno. But I will finish it. I just have to be willing to put it down and come back.
That was, perhaps, a more difficult change for me than it may seem for most. But it was difficult. My brain doesn't like to be cooperative sometimes.
Another benefit: all that time not flooding my brain with the thoughts and commentary of others has opened up space for my own thoughts and desires to re-affirm themselves. It's not a coincidence I've been posting more regularly here of late, or that I have taken up the aforementioned bass lessons, or that I'm reading more books more regularly, or even that I'm watching movies again. I so often sit, open my phone, find nothing waiting for me there, and then go off to find something to do.
Boredom, then, is not a soul-killer but a soul-motivator, or at least it can be. It presses upon the mind that something is better in the moment than the nothing with which you are currently sitting, and it pushes forward the creativity and/or stamina needed to engage, to do, to create.
And certainly, there are times where we need to do nothing and to rest, but I find, personally, I don't have an issue with boredom during those times. My brain seems to understand its limitations and not push itself too hard if I allow myself to trust it. All the burnout I experience comes from outward pressure. That outward pressure may be reciprocated inwardly, but it is not born there, only taken and transformed.
And of course, being able to sit with this boredom is a re-learning experience, or perhaps for some people just a learning experience. It takes time and grace. I've been working on removing these distractions for two years now, and I'm certain I'll fall back into them here and there along the way. After all, the novelty of all this boredom will wear thin at some point. I'm working on persistence for when that occurs. All in due time.
I couldn't recommend it enough though. In a time where we all know we're addicted to our screens, where our fingers itch for devices, where our brains scream for something to scratch the itch of boredom, I think it more important than ever to not always take that dopamine hit. Easy to say, I know. God knows I know. But still, worth it in the long run.
I strive not to be the angry man shaking his fist at the youth saying some curses about your damn phones. After all, though I'm in my 30s now, I was and, to some degree, still am one such youth. This is not a moral tale, nor is wanting to be involved with the way our society has progressed a moral failing. There is so much I know nothing about now, and while I don't struggle with that fear of missing out that so many do, I can certainly understand that pang of feeling like an outsider in friendly conversation. This isn't some cure-all or wannabe self-help guru shit. It's simply something I've found worthwhile for myself and wish to share in the chance that it may also be helpful for someone else. And if it is, great!
Just remember, like with so many things in life, it's not all or nothing. It can be a little bit along the way.
Now I'm going to go back to budgeting so I can save some money for a blacksmithing class. That'll be fun.